Before He Cheats
by Irish Valkyrie
Summary: Hermione does something completely out of character when she discovers her muggle boyfriend is cheating on her. Harry thinks it's hilarious.


**Before He Cheats**

_By: Irish Valkyrie_

**Disclaimer:** Okay, once again, a song just smacked me in the face and danced around naked until I did something about it…this is the result. I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, themes, locations, etc. etc. And the song belongs to Carrie Underwood. I have to admit, it's a very fun song to listen to.

Twenty-two year old Hermione Granger shook her head wondering how on Earth she could have ever been so stupid. It wasn't at all like her to choose her companions so recklessly. Usually, she only went out with a guy after careful thought and deliberation. But this one…

This one had caught her off guard. He had been so amazingly charming. And not to mention incredibly attractive. He had actually sat down and listened to her. Not the act where a guy would nod his head and make non committal noises, but actually _listened_ to her.

The only other guy who had ever done that was Harry. Even Ron just pretended to listen most of the time. The only flaw Hermione could detect in this perfect man (and it wasn't even really a flaw per se—more of a lack), was that he was muggle.

So, when he had asked her to dinner that first night, she had agreed instantly. He had wined and dined her in the most romantic fashion.

For two months, she was caught up in a whirlwind of feelings, floating on cloud nine. He bought her flowers, stopped by her work at lunch time, took her on romantic weekend getaways. And when she told him she wasn't ready for sex, he nodded understandingly and said that sex wasn't the only part of a relationship.

Hermione had been so stunned that she'd nearly asked him to marry her right then and there. She had been so incredibly beyond happy that she had missed the first tell-tale signs. The late nights, the exhaustion, the odd excuses that didn't _quite _make sense. And sometimes…just sometimes…that odd waft of something flowery and exotic and so not her on his clothes.

But now she knew the truth.

_**Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp, and she's probably getting frisky... **_

She knew where he spent most of his late nights.

_**Right now, he's probably buying her some fruity little drink cause she can't shoot whiskey... **_

And she knew just the type of person he would be spending that long night with.

_**Right now, he's probably up behind her with a pool-stick, showing her how to shoot a combo... **_

He was going to have a little trouble getting home tonight. Just a little car trouble is all.

_**And he don't know... **_

Hermione smirked, not unlike Malfoy, and gripped the object in her hands tightly.

_**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, **_

_**carved my name into his leather seat... **_

_**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, **_

_**slashed a hole in all 4 tires... **_

Hermione grinned, wiping the sweat from her brow as she admired her handy work. That ought to get his attention, she thought. She strolled off, whistling.

**_And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats._**

Hermione was so hyped up she just couldn't sleep, so instead, she walked over to Harry's flat. Pushing the buzzer, Hermione waited impatiently for Harry to wake.

"Who is it?" came the scratchy voice over the intercom.

"It's me Harry. Let me up will you?"

"Hermione? Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Does it really matter?"

"Good point," he grumbled. There was a brief buzzing sound and Hermione pushed open the door. She took the stairs two at a time until she reached Harry's door on the fourth floor. He was polite enough to open the door for her.

"Jeez," he said, getting a good look at her. "What did you do? Drink all the coffee in England? You're completely wired."

"I know," she said happily, sitting down on his large comfy couch.

"Why?" he asked.

"Well, mainly because—" (A/N: song breaks in here)

_**Right now, she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karoke… **_

**_Right now, she's probably saying "I'm drunk" and he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky… _**

_**Right now, he's probably dabbing on 3 dollars worth of that bathroom Polo... **_

_**And he don't know... **_

"What doesn't he know Hermione?" Harry asked, with a wide grin on his face. If she didn't know any better, she'd say he was enjoying this as much as she was.

"He doesn't know—" (A/N: song breaks in again)

_**That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, **_

_**carved my name into his leather seat, **_

_**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, **_

_**slashed a hole in all 4 tires... **_

Harry was rolling on the floor hysterically, clutching his sides, desperately trying to control his laughter.

_**And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats. **_

"Oh Merlin!" he said, and laughed again. "And you—you—" but Harry couldn't finish whatever it was he was trying to say, he was laughing too hard.

Hermione grinned impishly and said, "Well—" (A/N: you know the drill)

_**I might saved a little trouble for the next girl, **_

_**Cause the next time that he cheats... **_

_**Oh, you know it won't be on me! **_

"Boy, have you got that right!" Harry said, a little more calm now that several minutes had passed.

_**Ohh... not on me...**_

Hermione grinned at her best friend happily. "Man, I can't wait to see his face when he leaves that dump with her," said Harry.

"It's definitely something I would pay to see," she agreed. "Just imagine what he must be thinking…"

_**Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, **_

_**carved my name into his leather seat... **_

_**I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights, **_

_**slashed a hole in all 4 tires... **_

"I think it's safe to say that he'll be seeing the path to righteousness after tonight," Harry said, stretching. She was smirking, imagining the bimbo's reaction.

_**Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats. **_

He grinned and looked at the clock. "It's late. Do you want to stay here for the rest of the night?"

"Sure," she replied, getting up and stretching as well.

_**Ohh.. Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats... **_

"Hermione?" Harry asked suddenly serious.

"Yeah?"

"You know I'd never trade you for anyone else in the world right?"

"Of course Harry. You're my best friend. You'll _always_ be my best friend. I know that."

"Good," he said firmly. "Just so long as you're aware."

She gave him a cheeky grin. Slowly, Harry smiled back. "Just wait until Ron hears what you did…" he said in a teasing voice. "You're going to be in so much trouble."

Hermione laughed outright. "Ron will just be upset that he missed it. You and I both know that."

"True," Harry said with a sigh.

She crawled into Harry's bed, wrapping the covers tightly around her and thinking about John's reaction when he saw the heap that had once been his prized truck.

She fell asleep grinning and with the thought that "Maybe next time he'll think—" (A/N: do I even have to say anything?)

_**Ohh... before he cheats...**_

**A/N:** Okay, that is such a fun song to listen to! Well, I really enjoyed writing this little songfic. If you enjoyed reading it, please leave me a review on your way out. And to those of you who are waiting on the next chapter of Second Chances, no worries. It's coming along swimmingly. I just took a short break from the next chapter to write this because it seemed like it would be a lot of fun…I was right. I had a blast. I hope you guys enjoyed it too. Now, I've got to go. I hear French whispering coming out of my speakers which means that Harry and Hermione are up to something. Hope to hear from you soon. Bye. (Quickly clicks over to another screen—"Hey you two! Stop that right this instant! No. No! Harry, don't you dare! Harry don't you—" Image suddenly vanishes and you're left wondering what happened to Irish Valkyrie).


End file.
